JILTGIRL
DANA...
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If
ever a woman should never have been a Jiltgirl, it was Dana.
This Jiltgirl, this wonderful, gleaming Dana, only serves to
underscore the bitter fact that ANY woman can become a Jiltgirl,
no matter how successful, how accomplished or how the corporate
world may applaud her accomplishments.
Let us first see a portrait of our Jiltgirl Dana. She has been
told she looks like Dorothy Dandridge by aficionados of 1940s
and 1950s films, she has also been told she looks like Whitney
Houston - at her best, and called a Lena Horne double - with
the same infectious, gleaming smile - actually, all comparisons
are shockingly accurate. This lady is a GORGEOUS person - with
the figure of the body builder - which she is, and the grace
of fashion model - she modeled her way through law school, at
a height of 5 feet 7, with a tawny, butterscotch complexion.
She is a real head turner - her black eyes literally flash and
sparkle - add to that an incredible smile that ALWAYS lights
up her face - oh, how Dana can truly illuminate a room. Her
face is impeccably made up: liquid eyeliner in place, blush
intact, golden eyeshadow, eyelashes curled and ebony mascared
- her mask is in place... It is safe there - the mask of perfect
makeup - the model flawless face ... all women know that there
is much safety in perfection ... As to coiffure - well, Dana
flies to Los Angeles to have her extensions done every 60 to
90 days - thank you very much - shoulder length waves cascade
- black and shiny - and at other times, her hair is ribbon tied
in an elegant chignon that simply serves to accentuate her elegance.
Jiltgirl Dana is a corporate attorney at one of the largest
banking houses in the world. Jiltgirl Dana is perceived to have
it all - she is a mover and shaker in the corporate board room,
she is political - she has even been approached to make a run
for a Senate nomination. A poised and dynamic public speaker
- she can work a room with the tireless politicians' smile and
actually revel in the banter and Machiavellian undercurrents
that are part of the cocktail/corporate/political scene. God,
can she work a room - the phrase "glass ceiling" has no place
in Dana's vocabulary. This is the perfect life - right? She
has it all - right??? Sorry - not quite. Now you KNOW, Jiltgirls,
that Fate NEVER just gives you everything and says - "Enjoy..."
"Do actually you think", says Jiltgirl Dana," that if I had
any kind of a life - someone to love - I would even BOTHER with
this phony scene?" She and I have been talking about political
social matters. Oops - I bet I forgot to tell you - silly me
... Jiltgirl Dana is standing in front of me with tears in her
eyes - the erect, proud posture of the power broker has been
replaced with the downcast stance of heartbreak, so common to
Jiltgirls. "We met," she begins, "at a corporate meeting in
Palm Springs. Don was vice president of an insurance company.
You know - let's be candid - totally honest here - As a black
female executive, my opportunities for meeting someone of color
are limited. I'm in my forties, and there just are not that
many single men available - of ANY race - white, black, yellow
or a flaming magenta. But believe it or not - LOTS of men have
pursued me - married men, single men - they all seem to have
some sort of erotic fantasy that having sex with a black woman
is going to be incredibly exotic, but ... that is all they are
interested in when they date me - they aren't really looking
for a viable relationship. Just look at the statistics - How
many Afro American male CEOs are there in the USA? How many
are 40 to maybe 60 years old? How many are single? How many
are heterosexual? And, how many don't want Caucasian or Asian
women instead? After you have eliminated all the above - the
answer, girlfriend, is that there are damn few."
"When I met Don, my life was long on sex, but short on
the opportunity of meeting anyone who had any serious interest
in me. In looking backwards, I think I was not much more than
a unique sexual experience - something different and exotic.
I was the exciting combination of being an intellectual equal
- a business peer, and the mythical black sex symbol. I am sure
that was the perception of many of my lovers over the years.
They would date me, sleep with me, but there would always be
the implied posture of a business involvement - that this wasn't
REALLY a love affair - that we were just two top execs who had
a lot in common ... But there were lots of laughs, great hotels
and lots of 5 star restaurants. In my heart, I think that I
was always really looking for someone to really love, but it
just wasn't happening."
"Initially, I was NOT impressed with Don. He was not attractive
- balding, paunchy, glasses like an owl, very nondescript. The
first time we met at this cocktail reception in Palm springs,
he said, "I've been watching you light up this room. You are
the most gorgeous, and the most dynamic woman I have ever seen.
I decided I just had to meet you - take you to dinner." I wasn't
impressed, but he dressed very well - the navy blue suit, the
maroon tie, Mr. East Coast corporate - and I happened to be
free for dinner. The bank had a business relationship with his
company, so sure, why not?"
"Next night, over dinner in the hotel dining room, I get
his particulars. He is in his early 40s, never married - Hmm
... NEVER??? OK ... (Different, but I don't really care enough
to even think about it ...) An only child. Parents - East Coast
Old Money, private schools - they dote on him. Nice dinner ...
All through dinner he keeps up a never-ending line about how
fascinated his is with me. I look at him across the table and
think - Damn, you sure are an ugly sucker, you are so full of
bullshit. I could be sick, but who cares - good steak, good
wine and I'll never see this fast talking flatterer again. He's
giving me this crap so he can get into my pants. I've seen his
kind like a million times ... I say the usual, "Thank you for
a lovely dinner," shake hands, go my room, and immediately forget
his name and everything about him. The times I plan to see him
in this lifetime again are never. Remember that I have totally
forgotten about him - even his name. But when I get up the next
morning, room service delivers a huge bouquet of flowers - and
they are from Don - What a hoot! - He wants to see me again..."
"To make a long story short - this man pursues me relentlessly.
I live in a different part of the US - he relocates to my city.
He moved Heaven and Earth to wangle a corporate transfer. There
are flowers, dinners, phone calls every day - he is a man who
is - and I quote him- "Crazy in love". In two months we are
sleeping together - while he is not that good in bed, what he
lacks in technique and imagination, he more than makes up for
in affection and tenderness. Don is so generous to me, amusing,
gracious, kind - I am also starting to look at him differently
- he just can't do enough for me, and I am beginning to believe
that this may be - finally - Mr. Right. He takes me to Hawaii
for a week - this isn't the great romance of the century - we
have become great friends as well as lovers - and candidly and
openly talked about the fact that he is Caucasian and I am black.
He stated that it absolutely makes no difference and although
he has never dated a black woman, we have so much in common,
that the racial issue is irrelevant."
"On the second year anniversary of dating he proposed -
he gave me a 2-carat diamond and asked me to marry him. I am
VERY happy - I accept - and we set a date for the following
fall. The months roll on - we are within 60 days of our wedding.
I still have never met his parents - they lived in Scottsdale
- although I have spoken to them on the phone - he said not
to tell them about the engagement - he wanted to make it a surprise."
"The night I'll remember 'till I am old - I am at his house,
and we have been talking all day about the wedding - and we
are in the master bedroom. I am just sitting on the bed in my
bra and pants - prattling on about the wedding, the flowers,
the cake, what flavor icing, number of guests... He walks out
the bathroom, just out of the shower - a Turkish towel wrapped
around his waist and says, "Jesus, you look just like a man."
"Huh?" I respond. I think I have misunderstood him - he is usually
so gracious - I think he's kidding, though I think - a really
sarcastic humor. Then he says, "Yea, you look like a man - small
boobs, flat-chested and muscles all over, no fat, no curves
- you look like a guy - like a boy." I say, "But you've always
known that...you know I don't have a big bust - what is it with
you??" He has definitely gone CRAZY, I think. He says, with
fury - accusingly, "And, YOU'RE BLACK!" I say, "You've known
that from the first moment you saw me. We've been together almost
3 years, for Gods sake. Are you sick? What's wrong with you?
WHAT????" He says, "Well, my folks don't know you're black.
I never sent them the engagement photos. If they see you, I'll
be disinherited. After all, Dana, I'm an only child, remember?
I get it all -- the whole estate - but..." he laughs, "This
has been fun...fun...fun..." I am almost crazy. I am hurt -
scared - my heart pounds - my hands are shaking - I have to
sit on the bed, because there is so much hurt that I think I
might fall over - oh, please God - and I think my heart will
really break this hurts so much - I am crying now - I am ready
to beg - do anything - this is my life - almost 3 years of it
- I say, "Oh, Don - Oh, please - Oh, no, oh please, no - This
can't be it - Don't do this now - You KNEW I was black 2 seconds
after you met me. You act as if I lied or something. What is
wrong? Just tell me!" I am crying and begging... "Dana," he
says, "Pack up your stuff and get out - we're through."
"I packed up my clothes. I cancelled the caterers - hung
the wedding dress in the closet in a plastic garment bag - and
kept the ring. Then I just about died for about 2 years. My
God - he was a sick liar - but you know," Dana says, "It still
hurts, though 10 years later - and the wedding dress - it's
still waiting in the bag..."
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And
yet ANOTHER Jiltgirl is born... |
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